More reviews soon...

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Alomst a week ago I was hit by a virus that turned into something real nasty - I've been on bed rest the whole time (what a great Easter!). Today is the first day I've managed to make it to the computer, so hopefully by the end of the week I'll be posting again - I've got a stack of DVDs to get through, so when I'm back onto it, you'll know!

The Ladykillers

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I’m not sure why I picked this DVD. I think it was a case of mistaken identity.

It’s a remake of a 1955 British comedy. And I think that’s one of its main problems. If Guy Ritchie had done a re-make, and kept it based in London, It could have worked, and the swearing would have fit. But more on the language later.

Set in the Southern United States, it sets up a very camp, educated Tom hanks and his motley crew, against a very religious black widow.

Most of what passes for comedy in this movie is based purely on the use of language – swear words to be exact. This is a very cheap method that often fails, and in this case, kills the movie.

As I said, if Guy Ritchie had done the movie, based in the seedy underbelly of London, the language would have fit – here it sticks out like a cheap gimmick.

On the positive side, the movie does show that crime doesn’t pay, and does have a few genuinely funny, if somewhat predictable moments.

So if you like to get you kicks off the back of swearing, or you want to see a very ridiculous Tom Hanks, then this is the DVD for you.

Gerry

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From Gus Van Sant, the king of the unusual, and the genius behind Elephant, comes one of the most bizarre, uneventful movies ever made.

Gerry is a story about two brothers who decide to go on a wilderness walk. Instead of keeping to the path, they decide to go cross-country and after a while are completely lost in the barren environment.

The movie moves at a slow, relentless pace, with little dialogue. The focus is more on the growing concern each brother has to find a way home, and how they deal with it on an individual basis.

It’s probably this pace, and the lack of anything really happening, that makes the ending so bizarre. But it’s an ending that keeps you thinking about the movie long after you’ve seen it.

It’s an ending that, depending on what you think happens, will either make or break the movie for you. As for me, I’m tempted to watch it again, with my theory of what happens in mind to see if it holds any water. If it does I’ll make another post.

Be warned, this is a hard movie to watch, and if you don’t like to have to think, really think, about what you’ve just watched, don’t bother with Gerry.

Open Water

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Shot on digital video and featuring a pair of unknown actors, Open Water has been dubbed as Blair Witch meets Jaws.

Open Water is neither. Blair Witch was an example of shrewd marketing of a cheap shoddy product, and Jaws was the movie that launched the ‘Summer Blockbuster’.

So what do you get for your money with Open Water? You get a movie based on true events, that starts out a little B grade, but gets down to business when the real story kicks in.

It’s quite amazing how a movie, essentially about 2 people lost in the middle of the sea, can be made into a haunting psychological thriller.

But before I go on: SPOLIER WARNING. Stop reading if you plan on seeing this DVD, as I’m about to spoil it for you.

I mean it. Stop reading.

The thing that kills this movie, I mean totally ruins what could have been a very good freak-me-out-shark-phobia experience is the ending.

They both die. That’s right, they both die. This movie, based on a true story is a load on made up bullsh*t.

Essentially, everything about this movie is made up, sure the bits on the boat could have been true as there were other people there. But why say ‘based on a true story’, when its not? Why use cheap techniques to get the audience to assume at least one person has to survive to have told the story? It’s worse that using split personalities a-la Secret Window.

Ah well, now you know what happens, you still might enjoy it, maybe.

Kings & Queens

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Ok, so I might be over doing it a bit with the historical DVDs, but what can you do? Variety is the spice of life, right? And it’s not like a bit of good historical fact isn’t fun.

So Kings & Queens is a new 2 disc documentary produced by the BBC that looks at the good and the bad sides of some of old Blighty’s Royals. And boy, were some of them bad, very bad.

Over the course of a thousand years, the British monarchy has evolved from divinely appointed warrior kings to benign political figureheads, and it hasn’t been the most peaceful of transitions, plenty of family feuds and lost wars to keep the interest up!

Split into 12 episodes, this DVD looks at the lives of 12 Kings and Queens and some decisive moments in British history.

Dramatic and revealing, this is a great documentary for anyone interesting in British history. It’s a fascinating look at a country transformed.

Now, for all you dedicated movie buffs, I do have a few good movies that I need to watch, so don’t fear, no more historical docos for a little while!

Crusade

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Cheese.

I like cheese. It’s great in a sandwich with ham and tomato. It’s great in a salad, cheese on toast is a great snack, and of course it’s the essential ingredient for any TV Sci-Fi series.

So fans of TV Sci-Fi should be ecstatic with Crusade, as it has more cheese that a Mainland factory!

Crusade begins in the aftermath of a Drakh invasion, and though earth was able to repeal the invasion, as a parting gesture, the Drakh released a deadly virus that will whiteout earth’s 10 billion inhabitants in 5 years unless a cure can be found.

Enter stage left Captain Matthew Gideon, given charge of the brand spanking new Excalibur and charged with the job of scouring the universe to find a cure.

With a crew as diverse as any Sci-Fi series (it always gives the writers more scope to have a bunch of people that would never normally associate with each other, confined to a space ship for 5 years…..) Crusade lays the cheese down thick.

The costumes, the acting, the special effects and the story lines all make for some check-your-brains-at-door cheesy fun. In the midst to and over run of CSI styled realistic dramas, it’s nice to get some unintentional comic relief!

More like the traditional Star Trek, Crusade is wrapped as a series, but is more a series of stand-alone stories involving first contact with various species.

Sadly before it was given the chance to grow into something, Crusade was killed.

A great box set for cheesy Sci-Fi fans. Or should that be fans of cheesy Sci-Fi? I wouldn’t want to accuse Sci-Fi fans of being cheesy now would I!!!

The Map Makers

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Ok, so if you don’t like history or documentaries, then you won’t like this. And you won’t understand why I’m raving about a documentary about people who made maps!

But if you do like learning about history, if dusty old facts turn you on then this is for you.

The Map Makers covers 3 major periods in map-making history, starting off with the Waldssmuller amp in 1507. This is the map that literally put America on the map. Back before 1507 you’d have been considered a nutcase if you suggested that there were more than 4 continents. But then some dude called Amerigo Vespucci, looking for a quicker route to the far East bumped into an unknown continent, and America was born.

The second period looks at the Mercator Atlas, created in a time when map makers and spies worked hand in hand, and the person with the best maps had the most power. Treachery and espionage ruled the map making world, and great fortunes could be made.
New ideas and ways to draw maps in the tumulus 16th century still have an effect on how maps are drawn today!

And finally, and the one that was my real reason for getting this DVD, is the D-Day Invasion Maps. The amount of detail and the lengths gone to get information for the biggest invasion in military history is nothing short of amazing.
From aerial photography, to Special Forces and miniature submarines to the French resistance, many people put their lives on the line to help create these maps.
And without these maps, the invasion and liberation of Europe could have gone belly up!

Ok, I know what you’re saying, it doesn’t sound very interesting, but as I said, you have to like history to get into this DVD.

So go on, educate yourself!

Secret Window

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Ok, first up: I’m about to spoil the plot of this movie, so if you haven’t rented it and are planning on renting, then go away!

I picked up Secret Window as an ex-rental from my local Video Ezy store, and it’s been sitting on my DVD shelf for a while as my wife doesn’t like freaky supernatural movies.

But we decided last night to give it a go, there was as usual nothing on TV, so what could be better than a Johnny Depp movie?

I enjoyed the movie, right up to the point where you discover that the shady Shooter character is actually Depp’s other personality. I hate movies and books that use this technique – I always feel cheated.

What saved the movie, for me anyway, was the ending. Well, the physical ending was a bit corny, but the fact that he gets away with murder instead of the usual Hollywood happy ending was awesome.

It was interesting also that none of the characters really felt like victims when they were killed – sure the first ones did, but that was back when you thought Shooter had killed them. Depp was always the character you cared about, even if you didn’t love him at the end, you were happy that he had ‘won’.

Another interesting thing about this movie was the way it was promoted: As a freaky supernatural thriller. But as it turned out it wasn’t in the slightest supernatural. Instead it was all about a disturbed individual, kinda like the way Cold Creek Manor turned out.

A Scanner Darkly

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OK, I’ll admit, I have a soft spot for Richard Linklater. No, not THAT kind of a soft spot, what I mean is I really like his movies.

OK, so most people didn’t get Waking Life, heck, most people probably didn’t sit through the whole of Waking Life. I did.

Then there’s TAPE. Awesome movie, set in a motel room where nothing happens, really. And there are only 3 characters and one of them comes in half way through. But what a great movie.

Along the same lines was Before Sunrise and Before Sunset, two movies that are more conversations than movies, but what well written, brilliant acted conversations they were.

So now moving onto A Scanner Darkly, first check out the trailer so you know what I’m talking about.

The movie uses similar technique to Waking Life that is it’s filmed, and then animated. But not animated in the normal way – think animated while doing drugs (kids: DON’T do drugs, they are very bad for you).

And get this for a twisted plot:

Set in a future world where America has lost the war on drugs, undercover cop Fred (Keanu Reeves) is one of many agents hooked on the popular drug Substance D, which causes its users to develop split personalities. Fred, for instance, is also Bob, a notorious drug dealer. Along with his superior officers, Fred sets up an elaborate scheme to catch Bob and tear down his operation.

Whats more, it’s based on a Phillip K Dick novel, that’s right, the dude who wrote Blade Runner, Minority Report and the very underrated Paycheck.

And hell, if that isn’t enough for ya, look who’s in it! Keanu Reeves, Woody Harrelson, Wiona Ryder, Robert Downey Jnr (hey, it’s all about the drugs….)

Oh go on, you’re as excited as me about this movie, be honest, it’s gonna rock.

Oooops, I did it again #2

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It's almost too easy to show gaping holes in Catwoman, but I'm going to anyway...

In the scene where the police officer had to kick the apartment door down to get to Patience, the door jam and catch get destoyed, but as Patience hurrys out the door to get to work, the door jamb isn't broken and the door can latch normally.... hmmmmmm

Who's The Link #4

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Courage Under Fire

Gerry

Jersey Girl

What Movie Am I #6

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I am a Drama

My star injured his leg during filming, but chose not to have surgery, in order for his character to have a genuine limp.

Some of my scenes take place on Chicago’s ‘L” trains.

I am based on a TV series.

Tommy Lee Jones wants to find me.

Harrison Ford does a lot of running.

Elephant

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Gus Van Sant’s take on the Columbine tragedy is a murderously slow journey into the mundane lives of High School students.

But knowing what is going to happen keeps you on tender hooks waiting to see how it pans out.

The weaving in and out of different peoples lives is very cool, all the main characters move through each other’s scenes, so that a time line is slowly built up.

The movie is pretty much entirely based on the hour or so leading up to the shooting, and the shooting it’s self. With a little time given to show a glimpse at why the two boys decided to go on a shooting spree.

This is quite a powerful movie if you take the time to think about it. It doesn’t answer any questions; it just lets you ask them.

The slow, methodical story telling drains out any hint of Hollywood romanticism and presents the situation as it was: Just another day at school. Only in the end, it wasn’t.

Absolutely no entertainment value, but very thought provoking.