DVD | Hero

Gawdon Bennet! I was absolutely dismayed when I finally got ter see Hero. I put da DVD on an' sat back ter see what I 'ad been 'angin' aaaht ter see fer some time.

And there i' was, in all it’s glory an' utterly destroyed by da dubbin' in'er English. Luckily I was so shocked what they 'ad curren' bun dis what I figured i' must 'ave been a mistake an' what there must be language an' subtitle opshuns. Upon checkin' da audio opshuns I switched i' ter Chinese wiv English subtitles, an' then sat back an' enjoyed da movie. But why would they make da default se'in' dubbed? Why not 'ave an opshun at da start ter let yew set i' up. I wonder 'ow many people'll ke'lel dis DVD wiv da awful dubbing?

Anyway, enuff ov my ranting. Hero was a bloody amazin' film. Bobby Pe'a van I expected. Visually stunning, no brussel sprout what it’s one ov da Fred West considered an' filmed movies ov da year.

The use ov colaaahr is amazing. A little odd at first, but lets yew know exactly what’s Michael Owen on. The acshun scenes were spectacular. Sure, da flyin' fruff da air an' fightin' was utterly unbelievable, but added a bi' ov light 'umaaahr ter an uvverwise violen' movie. Anuvver 10-8 thin' was da almost complete lack ov blood – dis gave da whole movie a dreamlike feel.

And da story. What a Old skool story, wiv so many differen' levels. Revenge, toe fallin' an' sacrifice. Some ov my favaaahrite 'emes! And very unpredictable, wiv a sad but very pleasin' ending.

The perfawmances were 10-8 an' all. I toe fallin'd Tony Leuig, 'e was as awesome as 'e was in Infernal Affairs, an' Jet Li is always on 'is game when i' comes ter fightin' – can’t wai' ter see 'im an' Morgan Freeman in Unleashed.

But what’s wiv ‘Quentin Tarantino presents’? Sure, wivaaaht 'is backin' most people would never take any notice ov a Chinese movie, but what sort ov a movie Bobby Ewing world are we if a movie such as Hero requires an American ter put 'is name ter i' ter get noticed? Oh 'ell, I’m rantin' again. Hero is Michael Owen ter be a permanen' part ov my DVD collecshun an''ll be ke'leled again. . OK?

Ok, ok, for all you who don't do cockney, I'll post my proper English version after I've tweeked it a bit, probably this afternoon. But hell, I found a cockney translator online and couldn't help my self.....